The Bi/etter Me | 01
It's been awhile that I have posted an entry in this blog, I was a bit busy with my new work and still struggling to cope up with the new environment. I feel so weak that I wanted to give up wherein fact I haven't started yet but thankfully there were people who helped me to keep on going for I have started it and I should continue, for I have chosen this path, this work and I am not getting any younger there's no time to keep on jumping into different jobs to find what makes you happy. You come to a point that you just have to settle.
And then here I am again, emotionally fucked up. That moment that you start to question everything that is happening in your life but you are not even sure why you feel that way. What triggered you to feel that way? Why are you feeling so emotional over nothing?
Then it slowly came into realization that maybe you are feeling that way because you feel so empty for so long, you feel so lonely but after all this time you cover it up because you wanted to show that you are strong, that you are doing fine, that everything is fine, you wanted to show to the world your brightest smile, your positive attitude but then deep inside are suffering, you are not even okay. You wanted to tell to everyone about it but you can't. Can't you really not? or perhaps you don't want to? You wanted to cry but even your tears won't cooperate with you. Then you just decide to write it all up because you if you can't find an outlet to let it all out, you might burst, you might get emotionally crazy to the point that you can't control it, to a point that you can no longer cover it up and everything will just gets worse.
Maybe you feel so empty because it seems like everyone around you either had been doing so good in their life or happy with their partners, I am not saying that I am not happy for them, I do, I really do but I don't want to be a hypocrite I am jealous because it seems like they have found what makes them happy and here I am - I don't even know what I really want, what I even want to do with my life. Why is it so hard for me to know what I really want, what my heart wants. Quarter-life crisis huh? I guess I'm feeling the pressure, I'm almost in my thirties but then I haven't done anything in my life that I should be really proud of.
Maybe finding yourself is not an answer, maybe I have found it but then I maybe I was just blinded with everything around me. Maybe I really know what I want but then I refuse to hear the voice that's calling me. Maybe I really know what my heart wants but then I am just in denial. Maybe I am just a plain fool, yeah that's right I think I am.
And then here I am again, emotionally fucked up. That moment that you start to question everything that is happening in your life but you are not even sure why you feel that way. What triggered you to feel that way? Why are you feeling so emotional over nothing?
Then it slowly came into realization that maybe you are feeling that way because you feel so empty for so long, you feel so lonely but after all this time you cover it up because you wanted to show that you are strong, that you are doing fine, that everything is fine, you wanted to show to the world your brightest smile, your positive attitude but then deep inside are suffering, you are not even okay. You wanted to tell to everyone about it but you can't. Can't you really not? or perhaps you don't want to? You wanted to cry but even your tears won't cooperate with you. Then you just decide to write it all up because you if you can't find an outlet to let it all out, you might burst, you might get emotionally crazy to the point that you can't control it, to a point that you can no longer cover it up and everything will just gets worse.
Maybe you feel so empty because it seems like everyone around you either had been doing so good in their life or happy with their partners, I am not saying that I am not happy for them, I do, I really do but I don't want to be a hypocrite I am jealous because it seems like they have found what makes them happy and here I am - I don't even know what I really want, what I even want to do with my life. Why is it so hard for me to know what I really want, what my heart wants. Quarter-life crisis huh? I guess I'm feeling the pressure, I'm almost in my thirties but then I haven't done anything in my life that I should be really proud of.
Maybe finding yourself is not an answer, maybe I have found it but then I maybe I was just blinded with everything around me. Maybe I really know what I want but then I refuse to hear the voice that's calling me. Maybe I really know what my heart wants but then I am just in denial. Maybe I am just a plain fool, yeah that's right I think I am.
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