The Bi/etter Me | 03
I am not particularly sure if I should write this on my blog but then a little voice is whispering to me again. Tonight, as always I had trouble sleeping so, I was scrolling Facebook posts and I stumbled into this article https://worldtruth.tv/26-things-you-do-as-an-adult-when-youve-experienced-childhood-emotional-abuse/. You may take a look about this article.
The article is titled "26 Things You Do As An Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse", I don't want to say that I have, but then I looked into the 26 things that this article stated and I do/did all of it. And then, I ask myself did I really experience childhood emotional abuse? Maybe all of us did one way or another? I don't know. Right now, I was just recalling my childhood memories.
I grow up in a household wherein an adult is into cursing but I do understand that it was just her way to express anger, sadness, excitement and even happiness. Cursing everyday, all the time.
I grow up constantly feeling pressured, to be compared to somebody else. Pressured to be good, to do well and not to give a bad reputation to my family's name. Is it because I am the eldest? That I should always set a good example? my younger siblings look up to me, I should always show that I am strong, that I can do things alone.
When I was young, I remember that whenever I wanted to try new things, people that very close to my heart would say that I can't do it, I'm not good at it, I don't look good, I remember them saying that I was ugly. It crashed my self-esteem. And now, if someone would compliment me I would always doubt it. I never gained my confidence back, I'm just faking it, I'm just faking that I am confident. And do you know what's worse? When the person who you love so much, who's supposed to make you as a whole, who's supposed to guide you said that I would never succeed. WTF Brain!!??? Why am I crying? Why do these memories come back? It's 1:15 AM. Brain why so being sentimental? Brain, why you do this?
Look at me now I'm 26, a person who keeps on quitting her job because she can't find herself, a pure failure, never achieved anything. I always thought that I could prove to this person that hey! look at me! I am successful now~ but I guess it won't happen anymore. I'll explain on my next post one by one the 26 things as stated on the article.
The article is titled "26 Things You Do As An Adult When You've Experienced Childhood Emotional Abuse", I don't want to say that I have, but then I looked into the 26 things that this article stated and I do/did all of it. And then, I ask myself did I really experience childhood emotional abuse? Maybe all of us did one way or another? I don't know. Right now, I was just recalling my childhood memories.
I grow up in a household wherein an adult is into cursing but I do understand that it was just her way to express anger, sadness, excitement and even happiness. Cursing everyday, all the time.
I grow up constantly feeling pressured, to be compared to somebody else. Pressured to be good, to do well and not to give a bad reputation to my family's name. Is it because I am the eldest? That I should always set a good example? my younger siblings look up to me, I should always show that I am strong, that I can do things alone.
When I was young, I remember that whenever I wanted to try new things, people that very close to my heart would say that I can't do it, I'm not good at it, I don't look good, I remember them saying that I was ugly. It crashed my self-esteem. And now, if someone would compliment me I would always doubt it. I never gained my confidence back, I'm just faking it, I'm just faking that I am confident. And do you know what's worse? When the person who you love so much, who's supposed to make you as a whole, who's supposed to guide you said that I would never succeed. WTF Brain!!??? Why am I crying? Why do these memories come back? It's 1:15 AM. Brain why so being sentimental? Brain, why you do this?
Look at me now I'm 26, a person who keeps on quitting her job because she can't find herself, a pure failure, never achieved anything. I always thought that I could prove to this person that hey! look at me! I am successful now~ but I guess it won't happen anymore. I'll explain on my next post one by one the 26 things as stated on the article.
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